Walnuts are falling from the trees in the front yard at an ever increasing pace. Plop, plop, plop, a sound that seems to work a twenty-four shift; sometimes one at a time and sometimes composing a staccato-themed musical piece. A breeze can bring a flurry of leaves to the ground, reminiscent of a rain shower; and when the walnuts and the leaves perform together, a spectacular broadway show is produced by nature for all to witness.

Cooler mornings and cooler nights announce the change of the season; all, reminders of the changing grace of nature. All things pass. There is a beginning, a middle and an end. That is the way of nature. That is the way of life for the two are one.

Watching the transition from summer to fall provides opportunities for reflection on the wonder of life and its fragility. A window to understanding how precious is each moment, as the next is not guaranteed, not a given. Knowing the thrill of each breath, curiosity unfolding as each moment is revealed, sometime slowly, sometimes rapidly but alway new. I find myself reflecting on life.

I mentioned in an earlier post, my mother passed a number of years ago. As a matter-of-fact, I woke up one morning and realized I was the oldest living member of my immediate family. It was such an odd feeling; talk about untethered. There is something about family that makes, even us, who feel unconnected at times, feel connected. Maybe that connected feeling is an illusion, but there is a security to it. When it is gone, well a space is realized.

A few years ago a very close friend passed away. He had been living with the aftereffects of the removal of a brain tumor. He dealt with it in a manner that left a strong and positive effect on me as to how one can live with life threatening conditions. He was a champ; laughing, joking and enjoying life until the end. He passed quickly one night. HIs wife called me at work the next morning to let me know what has occurred. Once again, that untethered feeling. During our talk she made a comment that had a tremendous impact on me and I carry her words close to my heart even today. In passing she made the comment, “I thought we would have more time together.” I have reflected on that statement over and over, and to the best of my ability, I use it as a guiding light on a daily basis. I also felt the space I noticed when my mother, passed grow larger.

I had lived my life dealing with my anger. At times I joked it off as part of my Irish inheritance; a strong part of my nature, a birthright to be accepted. But the truth is that it was burden that was self-imposed. It caused me much grief and was a constant source of trouble in all my relationships: family, friends, work. I worked hard on changing this behavior and managed to covered a lot of ground. However, hearing the words “I though we would have more time together,” elevated my understanding to a plane that altered my perspective radically. “Did I ever again want to leave an encounter with someone, friend or foe, with anger in my thoughts or heart?” “Did I want to go to bed with unresolved issues between my wife and myself?” “Did I want to part from one of my children angry at something that was really just not that important?”

This understanding was reinforced a couple of years ago when I was in the hospital due to chest pains. After a procedure, my heart stopped beating. A code blue was issued and I was resuscitated. Upon awakening it was as if everything was new. This was before anyone explained what had transpired; I intuitively knew. I saw and understood where I was, what was going on and who I was with, but there was a freshness that had a tint of wonder and amazement. This was a reinforcement of the lesson I had received from my friends wife. Again, the value of the moment, and the choices I make in that moment was highlighted to the point that I could not mistaken it, even if I wanted to do so.

Now, I wish I could say that I have been completely true to that understanding, but that would be a lie. My human nature, at times, dominates my thoughts and actions to the point that I forget lessons learned and I find myself relearning them sometimes quite painfully. The good news is that I don’t forget for that long. I have had a couple of incidents that have been hard to get over but I have worked on them, turning the anger and resentment over to that understanding, and for that I am grateful. Carrying anger, resentment, dark thoughts or moods creates a weight that only drags me down and depletes my energy in a very negative way.

Today the path is much more simple. Sometimes it is like a superhighway where I cruise along with a goal or destination in mind. Sometimes it is a simple split-log bridge on a hiking trail, a spot or place to be enjoyed along the way; each fulfilling the purpose for which they were designed. While I am comfortable with each, I find myself enjoying the little footpaths more and more. Enjoying my friendships in the present and living without darkness in my thoughts or heart enables me to be in present in the moment, and that is a pretty good place to be. Life is not always up, nor is it always down and this creates balance.

May I always remember: pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.

And:

Walnuts fall to ground
Cycle of nature surrounds
The life-force abounds.